My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize