why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
