i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
