Sponge bath it is.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
im on a boat
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