Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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