There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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