yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
