You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
