Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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