Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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