New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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