stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
