Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
