His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
