Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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