So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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