It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
