well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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