i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
