i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
