i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
