Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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