Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
