if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The air was thick with penises
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize