It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
