Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
