Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
