i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Less talking, more tequila
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
