everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This house was built for laser tag.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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