I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
