Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
