you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
