Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
