just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
