I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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