Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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