thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
