haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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