You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
