According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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