Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
