I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
