Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
