He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
