I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
