I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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