kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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