Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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