this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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