Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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