it wasn't lemon gatorade
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
