She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then he tried to convert me to islam
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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