If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
