While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
