Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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