In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
