i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
