this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
