So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
