Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
