I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
