even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
