Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
