I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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