Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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