i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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